In the first two parts of this series I have shared with you the various challenges I have faced in my musical and personal life, yet as challenging as they may have been, what remains to be done will perhaps be the most challenging: figuring out who I am at this moment and having the courage to be that person in front of others.
I remember a time a few years ago when I asked multi-instrumentalist Joe Craven if he ever felt awkward playing multiple instruments at the same time, as he often plays percussion with hands while “mouthing” other percussion sounds, while switching to mandolin and fiddle. By “awkward”, I meant that I, too, could do that to an extent, but had felt like I was showing off or bragging in doing so.
I clearly remember his response: “No,” followed by a gesture that indicated that that was a silly question. I don’t know why I was reluctant to display my talents, particularly considering how much time I had spent developing them. Perhaps it was an old pledge I made to myself back in High School where, after witnessing a friend’s constant bragging, I swore I would never do that, preferring others to speak highly of me rather than myself.
Joe’s words and reaction stayed with me. But there is a difference between bragging and simply “being.” I do have skills I have developed, so why not display them?
I didn’t really think of it much after speaking with Joe, but little by little, I “allowed” myself to do whatever I wanted onstage (and off.) His friendly dismissal of my question gave me permission to be my own awesome self. And that’s what we all need in life to excel, to strive, to fly free of other people’s opinions.
This makes me wonder what else I may be holding back when I perform:
Am I able to be emotionally vulnerable? Some songs need tenderness; some need power.
Am I able to have a powerful presence onstage? Superstars aren’t afraid to use the entire stage, either physically or energetically; imagine Prince, Santana, James Brown, Beyonce…
I must remember – it’s a show! We are supposed to be larger than real life! We are supposed to create an ambiance, a space where the audience can participate in a fantasy of sorts if even for a few minutes. Actors on stage are never “themselves” – they are playing a role and we buy into that for the duration of the production.
That, dear readers, is my most challenging musical quest – to be able to be bigger than I am onstage, whether it be a simple open-mic or a full blown stage show. And though I mentioned some pretty outrageous superstars, there are many more laid-back performers, too. The point is, that we – you and I – have every right to develop our uniqueness and confidently present that quality when performing, whether you are just starting out or have been doing it for years (decades) as I have.
And I have a feeling that this path never ends – we simply get on it and, step by step, advance.
Please comment if you have any thoughts about this concept. Have you felt awkward being yourself? Why? What did you do about it? Knowing we are not alone is a comfort and motivator.
Thank you.
All In Good Time 